Greetings/assalamu alaikum, Yes Ramadan is coming Inshallah. And Inshallah, most likely I won’t be able to fast. I mean, even if Ramadan starts and the baby isn’t born yet and/or I’m not undergoing any post-natal bleeding, because of my gestational diabetes, I really don’t think fasting would be the best idea at this point, not to mention that even if I didn’t have this condition, I’d still be afraid to fast. So Ramadan will probably feel much different this year. Although I have to say that I don’t feel badly, or I can’t say that I feel like I’m missing out because I won’t be able to fast this year. I kinda feel as though Allah’s showing His mercy to me, and even if the baby comes before Ramadan, He is bestowing a wonderful blessing/gift to me, that I get to enjoy in the most holiest and auspicious of months.
So anyway, one of the first things I thought of when I was given a due date for the baby was “Hey that’s Ramadan” and the second thought being “and hey I won’t have to stres over the moon sighting this year”. And then that really got me to thinking, why should I be stressing over it at all? I think music and moon sighting are the two issues that have always tended to tie me up in knots, and it’s interesting that both of those issues are issues that I’ve, Inshallah, personally come to a resolution on in my heart. Which is, in both cases, to say that I’m not going to be terribly dogmatic one way or the other.
I have misgivings about “overindulging” in music or TV or anything else in that vein, but as I’ve said before, I don’t think a little bit of TV is a bad thing. I mean, perhaps TV is “dumbing down society as a whole”, and I don’t think I can disagree with that, but I also think that there’s a difference between say, a nature program on PBS and the latest episode of “Big Brother”.
And the same with music, a lot of it, dare I say most of it actually, is crap. However, there’s a huge difference between a piece by Chopin or a classical kora piece and the latest “hit” by Lil Wayne.
And as far as moon sighting goes, I think it’s better to sight the moon, I think it’s better to follow a local, or if not local at least a regional sighting within a geographical area, but I also understand that many, if not most, masjids in the US anyway, at least in my experience, don’t seem to subscribe to this view, so unless I want a divided household, and unless it’s OK for me to “go it alone”, etc., which for me it is not, the only choice I feel I have is to follow my local masjid. Besides, as I’ve said in a previous post, when they say it’s Ramadan here, it just feels like Ramadan, no matter which moon sighting sites may say it’s “wrong”, etc.
And it’s one thing to “go it alone” when you’re the only Muslim within 50 miles. But when you’re actually part of a community of Muslims, and you not only have no influence with the leadership of the community but you’re either viewed as the perpetual new convert or worse viewed as causing fitna or trouble for trying to bring the issue up, I just think it’s easier as a layperson to just follow the crowd, make dua that Allah accepts your deeds in any case, and just go along to get along. Because going it alone just feels a lot worse when you’re the only one doing it, and it feels even worse when it’s not just your local community but your household that you’re going against.
So I know that I’ve said in the past that I’d not debate or fight over this issue, and I know in the past I’ve ended up fighting and debating this issue anyway, even though I’d said I’d not, but I think this year I really mean it this time. Because, well, I just feel differently. Things are just different now, and methinks I jus thave my hands too full at this point to debate something that even the scholars can’t even solve.
And the same with music too lol. Or following a madhhab, or tasawuf, or any myriad of issues that I could or have fought/debated over in the past. I wanna say something flippant like “I just don’t care anymore”, but I think it’s more along the lines of “I just don’t have the will or time to fight anymore”.
Or maybe I’m just getting older or maturing or growing in my Islam and becoming more comfortable in my own skin as a Muslim, or something. I’m not sure. But I just feel so much differently about so many different things, one of which is that I just don’t feel the need anymore to try to stake out some kinda position, and a position that for me anyway, may have changed over time, or may change in the future.
Anyway, I’m having one of those moments where I know what I want to say, but I’m doing a horrible job of getting it out, so I’ll stop for now *smile*. Inshallah I have a doctor’s appointment so will try to post a pregnancy update tomorrow Inshallah.