My Disconnected Ramadan

Assalamu alaikum/greetings, yes it’s Ramadan, and I know it, but I’m so disconnected, from everything lol, though “disconnected” isn’t quite the right word for it, but that’s the best way I can describe how I feel. I mean, at this point, my life revolves around feeding, changing diapers, and trying to sleep when I can. I know I should be trying to benefit spiritually from this month, ut with a 2 week old baby, I can’t even begin to find the time to read Qur’an, or do any of the other things I usually do for Ramadan. I have a hard enough of a time findin time to eat or get Chloe out or clean the house or do the laundry lol.

In fact, and I hate to admit this, but a part of me kinda can’t wait until Ramadan is over. I feel like I’m saying something “kufr-ish” or something, but I think a lot of it is the tiredness talking, or the adjusting to the new baby or something. But I’ve found myself saying that I can’t wait until the Eid gets here. Astaghfirullah.

The only issue that’s really bothering me is that my baby has been having nursing issues, he is having difficulty latching on / sucking, and I’m having difficulty with positioning/coordination, and I think a lot of it has to do with some issues my son has, which though I’ve mentioned some of them online, I’ve decidd not to continue to do this. But anyway, I think I’ve not find a “blind-friendly” nurisng position where I can feel when/if my son is latching on, and then my son doesn’t want to stay ltched on. He’ll suck for a bit and then stop. I’ve gone to pretty much pumping breast milk and then giving it to him in a bottel, and I feel guilty for this, because nursing is supposed to be best, and I’m afraid I’m causing nipple confusion or something.

The lactation consultants at the hospital seemed to not know how to handle my situtation, and I tried tocontact La Leche League in my area, who kinda referred me back to the lactation consultant at the hospital. So I just feel like I’m going in circles, and I’m starting to get concerned that I won’t be able to nurse at all.

I know a lot of this is normal, I guess, or I hope anyway, but I’m just tired, and there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to get anything done, and I really do have to thank my husband for taking over the overnight feedings, lol, so at least I can sleep then.

I’m also noticing that the baby takes a decent nap in the mornings, he normally eats around 7 or 8, and then sleeps until 11 or 12 or so. And then takes a nap in the afternoon. Though he doesn’t always do this lol.

He really is a wonderful baby. And at least I have mastered the feeding, at least the botle part of it lol, and the diaper changing though I don’t like to do that. And at least I don’t feel like I’m going to hurt him lol.


About Ginny

A blind Muslim woman currently living in Florida, just trying to make sense of the world around me! !
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2 Responses to My Disconnected Ramadan

  1. Jamilah says:

    Assalaamu alaikum,
    I know exactly how you feel about Ramadan this year. My second son was born on the 4th of Ramadan, and between him and his big brother I had my hands full. That was over 27 years ago so it’s hard to remember the details, but I know my Ramadan that year was not very spiritual. Keep doing what you’re doing and Allah will reward you for being a good mommy to your son.

  2. Margari Hill says:

    You are definitely in my prayers my dear. My little lady hasn’t arrived yet and I already feel disconnected because I can’t fast, so tired, and busy trying to cook, prepare for baby with classes, shopping, etc. I had big goals about what I’d be able to do, as far as a study program and it all crumbles as every task takes me twice as long. Maybe instead of reading, just listening when you need a moment to relax or unwind. Everybody tells me how hard nursing is. I hope you don’t beat yourself up if your little guy doesn’t latch. Regardless, I hope everything does work out and he does latch on. Just make sure you do lots of skin to skin to help keep the milk flowing. While this Ramadan may not feel spiritual for you, you are doing something that is profoundly spiritual and beautiful. Alf Alf Mabrook on your son! I am sure he is a beautiful and good baby.


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